Wednesday, December 20, 2017

The Power of “Inna lillaahi wa inna ilaihi Raajioon”

The Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) is reported to have said 
“There is no calamity that befalls one of the Muslims and he responds by saying ‘Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilahi raaji’oon, Allahumma ujurni fi museebati w’ukhluf li khayran minha (Truly, to Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return; O Allah, reward me in this calamity and compensate me with something better than it),’ but Allah will compensate him with something better than it.” 
[Saheeh Muslim]
When I read the above Hadith yesterday, tears blurred my vision. How true it is that when our Merciful Creator placed us in this dark world to complete our life-term here, He did not leave us alone. He gave us Guidance - it is upto us if/how we seek it. 

The above quoted narration made me recall the scariest of all nights of my life - 7th of May, 2009. Back then, I was truly a naive soul - a pregnant to-be mother, pregnant with her first child whom she loved with all she had and could not imagine her life if something went wrong with that foetus! 

Life was very difficult. I was living intense pain and suffering - mentally, emotionally and physically. The pregnancy was a very critical one. I spent days together lying on a sofa, on the left side with my legs raised. The girl who dreaded injections like anything, now had to compulsorily take an injection every alternate day. The pain from the previous one wouldn’t reduce and the next one was given on the other side. I could hardly walk. But I was sure that the suffering would end with a life-long happiness, bi-idhnillah. 

Almost 2 months had passed in this way and my gynaecologist was supposed to travel to US. She goes every year to see her children there. She saw me on the 4th/5th of May and asked to continue rest and treatment in the same way for a month. She would board her flight at 2:00 A.M on 7th.

I opened my eyes to a pool of blood in my bed - it was 2:00 A.M - the 7th of May, 2009. I rushed to washroom and couldn’t bear the sight of lumps and clots of blood. In a terrible, terrible state I hugged my mother, placed my hand on my stomach with closed eyes and said “Inna lillaahi wa inna ilaihi Raajioon”.  It was the moment when I realised how we need to gather strength to say these words. How they need to be uttered with complete faith. I wept and wept. My mother and siblings just looked at an inconsolable me. My sister mustered courage to say - “are we not there for you? Why do you say you have lost everything?”

Yes, I said that. But deep in my heart - I don’t know how, but Allaah had made my Eemaan so strong at that time that I wept, but with no resentment towards His Qadr. I wept for my loss. But I held on to His rope.

An inexperienced young boy that my brother was - he rushed out to get an auto. In those late hours of the  night, he managed to arrange one. Three females in the auto and my brother on his two-wheeler, we knocked at the doors of all maternity clinics in and around our locality. We were literally thrown away saying they can’t take such a critical case. I was drenched in blood. Only one prayer continued to run all over my body - every cell in my body seemed to beg Allaah to take away all the blood, but save my unborn child.

At last, we went to a super speciality hospital. There were young duty doctors who put me on the stretcher immediately and I heard one of them say “We need to take her for abortion”. My heart almost stopped beating. I caught her by hand and pleaded not to abort my child. She looked perplexed. She said, “Even if we don’t, this is an imminent abortion. You have lost the foetus. Any remnants would be poisonous if not removed”. I told her to let anything happen that is destined to happen. But they should not abort the foetus. They agreed and shifted me to a room.

I kept doing zikr. Like others, I also knew what had happened. I knew that I am only walking in the dark. But I also knew that I am begging from The One who can create anything from nothing. My eyes were tired but open all night. I was constantly bleeding and given very painful injections to pause it. It was 10 A.M. a nurse came and told us that I had to be taken to an ultrasound room. The doctor whom I had met last night came to me, smiled and said, “Be brave. The ultrasound is only to check  how much harm has been caused inside. You will get over it”. I said nothing.

I don’t remember what happened the next few minutes. I heard a voice, “Sir, there is heartbeat. I can’t beleive this. Please have a look”. I can’t express the joy and gratitude that filled me that moment. I couldn’t stop my tears that began rolling. It raised my BP and doctors asked me to calm down. But they did not know - I had just started to breathe again after 9 difficult hours.

That day, I understood the power of saying and meaning “Inna lillaahi wa inna ilaihi Raajioon”!

All the remaining days of my pregnancy I spent laying in my bed with my Qur’an always with me, close to my heart. I don’t remember an hour I spent without reciting from my Strength. I had nothing, except that. And, the Qur’an truly compensated everything else. My life only revolved around zikr, Qur’an, salah and Duas. Duas - yes, Duas helped me to connect with that absence in my life which was really needed at that time. Duas gave me hope.

He tested my faith once more - the day my son was born, my condition worsened critically. My doctor made my mother sign consent papers. She said, “we have to remove the still born child, but the mother’s life is in danger too”. It was my 8th month of pregnancy - more than a month before her expected due date, she couldn’t believe that it was a “Planned Date”.

This time I wasn’t afraid as I was that dreadful night. I firmly kept repeating “Inna lillaahi wa inna ilaihi Raajioon”

Before I was taken to the operation theatre, they checked on ultrasound to see the position of the “still born baby (according to them)”. The doctor was shocked to see - my child’s heartbeat was normal, although the amniotic fluid had completely dried up - he had been living without the supposed life support of the amniotic fluid for more than 8 hours, Subhan Allaah!

She hastened to arrange for NICU care and proceeded with the other stuff. But I knew - My Rabb was protecting my child. Alhamdulillaah, He did not fail me. When I proclaimed that everything belonged to Him with all my heart - He protected my child, He elevated my faith, He honored my trust. Alhamdulillaah !



Anonymous said...

Sister, I used to wonder sometimes scrolling over some of your posts as to why do they touch a very deep part of the heart. FYI, I have been a regular reader ever since I read your poem Anticipating Ramadan. While most your posts helped me to strive for my Aakhirah, some of them actually surprised and pained. Period.

I don’t know what to say but I am sure that your son is a blessing. May Allah bless you both with the best. Ameen ya rabbul Alameen!

Shifa said...

Such an inspirational post, mashallah! You always inspire me sis. I wish to meet you some day, to know more about you.

I am nobody, but a stranger, only a simple wayfarer,
My journey is this life till I reach the Hereafter..
Traveling all along the footsteps of my Teacher
For I have to, in time, reach the destination promised by MY