Friday, January 12, 2018

Love him the most, when he deserves it the least!

A child is the most beautiful gift from Allaah (SWT). Only when you have a child of your own, you do realise the true meaning of life. Mothers understand it better as they have a life formed and living inside them for months. But there are fathers who live each moment of the wife’s pregnancy by just being there for her.

I met a newly born’s parents last month. They had a baby with lot of prayers and efforts, Alhamdulillaah. There wasn’t a moment when they were away from the child. The father’s face was not free from smiles even for a minute. He was on his feet at the child’s slightest movement. For the first time ever, he started examining my 8 year old’s fingers saying, “So they quickly grow so big!” I smiled and told him that they grow before we even realise. 

Such is the pleasure of having a child. But, this child is not a toy. He grows and forms a personality of his own. He is not a remote controlled robot. Although your guidance and corrections are always needed, he will have his own choices and emotions. His actions will not always be pleasing or comforting. Sometimes, he will make you angry/embarrassed/hurt! But then, he is same child who makes you happy and proud with the other things! There will be testing and challenging times for a parent. 

The testing times are those when these little pieces of our hearts are sick. Those tiresome days and sleepless nights are nothing but Allaah’s way of testing our love and thankfulness for his blessing of giving us a CHILD.  HE chose YOU to be a parent whereas there are millions praying and begging for this pleasure. So, Allaah (SWT), with His infinite wisdom tests us in this blessing in many ways and the sickness of our children is the most difficult of all. We need to learn to be patient and show them more love than we do normally, although our tired bodies would badly need rest. 

The challenges are when the children irritate you with their tantrums. It is difficult to accept something that you know isn’t right for them or to ignore something which is possibly harming them! But, know that they are children. They are children and so the Creator has placed them under your care. It’s your duty to guide and protect them. Getting irritated and hitting them is never the solution. These challenging times are so difficult to deal with sometimes. But they are easily lived when you remind yourself that Allaah (SWT) is watching you and this moment can either be written for or against you - depends on how you deal with the situation!

I have spent all these beautiful years of my motherhood in some form of test or a challenge. My son - the most loving, caring and understand child for sure (Ma sha Allaah), does get upsetting sometimes. It happens mostly at night when he has trouble falling asleep. Tired all through the day, every night he wants me to stay awake and keep patting him till he falls asleep. Sometimes, the entire Juz 30 completes playing but he doesn’t fall asleep. As the last Surah start playing he gets restless thinking that his mother has remained awake for too long and would get angry now. Last night, his mother did lose her patience. And it was the worst thing I ever did. I told him to sleep on his own and while I am angry not to get close to me. When I get angry I prefer to stay away from him so that I don’t hit him ever out of anger. I wish he goes to his grandparents for a few minutes. But he clings to me in such a manner that he understands or sees nothing else and it ALWAYS makes me cool down in an instance so that my son isn’t hurt. Last night when I told him, “See, don’t do your usual stupid thing to come and hug me. My hand is aching. Please go and sleep with mummy (nani) for sometime.”  In no time i heard sobs that broke my heart. My son told me, “If others scold me then I come to you only. But if you scold me I don’t have anyone else to turn to. Tell me, do I have anyone? I need to come to you only. Please hug me and make me sleep. I can’t fall asleep otherwise.”

He did sleep after maybe an hour. But I couldn’t. His words pierced through my heart. I felt that I have taken my most precious blessing for granted. I know I was tired, mentally and physically. I needed sleep badly. But my little boy needed my love. He needs it all the time and needs it more when he feels that he is doing something wrong which isn’t worthy of my love. It was one of the worst nights of my life that I can’t explain in words. But it did make me realise that children are truly an amaanah from Allaah (SWT) and he keeps testing us to see how we are taking care of them.

Raise children with love. Raise them with sacrifices. Raise them with immense patience and understanding. Do not leave behind traces of regrets which you may not like to see when you look behind. Leave behind memories to preserve and cherish when these little friends are grown up. In sha Allaah, they will love you and will pray for you more when you are no more.


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I am nobody, but a stranger, only a simple wayfarer,
My journey is this life till I reach the Hereafter..
Traveling all along the footsteps of my Teacher
For I have to, in time, reach the destination promised by MY