Friday, May 29, 2020

The silent “Ihsaan”

Allaah says,

وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا - 17:23
وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا - 17:24

“And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.

And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small."“

[Surah Al-Isra 17:23-24]

And, in many other places as well *Ihsaan* towards parents has been mentioned next to nothing but not associating partners with Allaah. 

In the above verses Allaah Subhaanahu wa Ta’ala has described very beautifully the importance of parents. And, the mentioning of ONE of them, before BOTH of them is the wisest of guidances - it is that scenario wherein one parent survives after the death of another, or perhaps a single parent raising the child(ren)  all alone reaches old age after enduring hardship upon hardship in the Tarbiyyah and upbringing of that child or children - the parent who has reached old age all alone deserves utmost love and respect and the child should ensure to double the Ihsaan towards this parent.

Ihsaan towards parents means being kind towards them, honouring them, honouring their relatives and friends, loving them, serving them and obeying them in EVERY matter which doesn’t lead to disobedience towards Allaah. NOW - here’s the test in the last part of this definition for an obedient child (May Allaah guide the disobedient ones who cause heart ache to parents with all their actions. Ameen). But when a child is obedient, it gets very difficult when he or she has to ensure not obeying a parent in something that involves the rights of Allaah or those of His creations, at the same time being kind and respectful as our beautiful Deen encourages good treatment of even mushrikeen parents.

Dealing with parents when there is a disagreement or opposition from their side for a righteous action requires a lot of determination, Duas, Sabr and Tawakkul. But what actually happens is that either this Deeni child obeys the parents in order to not cause pain to them or for the sake of practicing “there is no obedience which involves disobedience towards Allaah”, the child goes ahead with the right thing and causes life-long pain to parents. Always remember, there is no Barakah in an accomplishment which lacks the blessings of the parents. 

Both of these approaches are wrong. May Allaah not put us in such trials. Ameen. But, if life does bring us to this point then we should ensure to fulfil the rights of Allaah and those of HIS creations by being kind and loving towards parents all along. There ARE, however, righteous children who elevate the status of their parents and at the same time be just towards other obligations, Alhamdulillaah. May Allaah bless them and help them to remain steadfast. Ameen. 

However, sometimes we are forced to take an action that causes anguish to our parents for we know that it is for their comfort and Izzah. For example, I took away something from my mother - a widow who lost her husband to a terrible cancer and it is my responsibility to honour and protect her all my life (may Allaah suffice me and strengthen me to do that. Ameen). I took away something from her which she loved. She has no idea why I did it. But it was very important for me to do so. It was something which brought a smile on her face every Eid after losing her husband. It was something that reminded her of him. She didn’t get that smile on this Eid and I know that it was due to me. But I had to do it - Allaah knows best, only to protect her heart and to honour her. 

I could see my mother waited for that happiness this Eid, which I knew that she will not get. She waited for it right from a day before till the day after Eid. I felt terribly bad and my heart will always ache for taking that PRECIOUS thing away from her but I only pray that Allaah recompenses her with things that soothe her heart in Duniya and with HIS love and my papa’s togetherness in Jannah and may HE forgive me for doing this to her, for I had no option. Ameen Ya Rabb!

With the passing of this Eid I only told Allaah, “Ya Rabb! I love my mother and YOU know it. I have only silenced my Ihsaan towards her. Let my emotions reach her soul and pacify her”.

~ BintSamsam

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I am nobody, but a stranger, only a simple wayfarer,
My journey is this life till I reach the Hereafter..
Traveling all along the footsteps of my Teacher
For I have to, in time, reach the destination promised by MY